Sketch of the Day "Drowning Deeper"

Sketch of the Day "Drowning Deeper"

I am drowning deep

into the blue

thoughts of me

thoughts of you

I am drowning deeper

into my sorrow

into my anguish

of no more tomorrows

Sketch of the Day "Walking Through Fire"

Sketch of the Day "Walking Through Fire"
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I am trying things out like J would do. He used to try out different methods of artist things and see which worked best. I saw he is doing a sketch a day and I thought that might be a nice way for me to keep up on my sketches so I don't have to do a huge blog for Sketchy Thoughts. Plus it keeps me being artistic daily. Now how to share that daily is the thought challenging me lately and right now.

One thing I have been doing it just Pencils. But I notice when I send the image no matter if I use my phone or camera they are not easy to see. So today I did something different. I used an ink pen today on top of my pencils. I think it helps so you can see it better now.

Then I have been playing around with Photobucket and posting straight to Twitter or messaging the picture from my phone. So far I think I like this method. I take the pic with my phone, then send it to a special Blogger.com email. In the message I put the info that is under the picture. 

If I want I can do as I am now and Edit the post once on the site. But it is nice to know that if I am not able to, that I can just send the pic and it will post from there. I can post straight to Twitter but this way I get to say a bit about the sketch.

So here is to new artistic endeavors and new ways of sharing. (clink)

Sketchy Thoughts 2 (Too)

I have been hauling around a sketchbook everywhere I go again. Wow, I never realized how much I missed those days. When I was in Graphic Design school in 1997, I sketched on napkins, I sketched on toilet paper, I sketched on my arm...you name it. But sadly my ex, my friends, my family kept telling me how bad I was and even through the years. People tell you how bad you are eventually you don't want to do art or be an artist anymore. It wasn't until J who is an amazing artist telling me, constructively, where I was good, bad, how to fix it and what to work on if I wanted to improve. I DID want to improve so I listened eagerly with full attention on him. I mean part of it was his charm and handsome looks, come on, but the other part was I really did want to be a better artist. Then I learned about Inking and Digital Art and it was like a new world opened up for me. I am really thankful for him in my life in many ways, that being on of them-Great Encourager of Art! :)

So, now I am back to sketching and drawing and challenging myself again through pencils and inks and back to sketching. My little book is almost full and I soon will need more Moleskins to fill. I carry one in my purse and one sits at home by my bed or computer depending on what I am doing. To me these are not really "sketches" yet though they are. They are artistic representations of my thoughts. Ok, did that sound profound to anyone else but me? LOL. I made a funny. I didn't mean to sound so "deep", but it is true. That is how I feel about them.

So, here is round TWO (not to be confused with TOO) of my sketchy thoughts. Enjoy!

These first two are random sketches as a reminder for me to Fight the URGE to call, text, email or write love letters to J. FIGHT THE URGE! He doesn't want to hear from me, so I am trying to respect that.

This is my first sketch to Fight the Urge to call him

 Then I thought of the urge like a big monstery blob coming to get me and I have to fight it off. so I re drew it!

Fight the Urge

I don't know, maybe I should start a whole cartoon series called The Urge and it is for women with broken hearts and fighting off The Urge?!?! :)

(Btw, most of these are as a result of me reading The Courage to Be Yourself. I sketch a lot when I am reading self help books.)

Stop wearing negative name tags sunless we want negative company

 Then it shows a name tag that says "I am fearful. I am unemployable. I am not good enough."

Flower Seed Petals

 I am worthwhile. I am loveable. I am strong.I am good enough. I am a likeable girl. I deserve to be loved. I am a good person.

What weeds did I swallow whole? (These are things our parents, mothers, boyfriends, others told us that we devoured that were no good for us but we swallowed them whole anyway)

Weeds

•  I am not pretty
• I am not good enough
• I am insecure
• I am an emotional roller coaster
• I am weak
• I need to be taken care of
• Life is too hard
• Women over 40 are not attractive
• Women over 40 should settle
• Women over 40 are lucky to have anyone

Replace Weeds

 We need to replace the Weeds with Flowers

• I care for me
• I am pretty
• I am strong
• I am a damn hot attractive 42 year old and proud of it!!
• I have emotional strength
• Life is what you make it

Remind myself that "I am NOT the Target"

Cleaning out Debris

 As you clean out the Debris from your carpet, you will feel and increase of self worth

(lft) holding carpet with junk underneath: debris, emotional dependance, pain (rt) holding carpet with nothing under it but goodness

Pressure Cooker of Emotions

 We need to remember to release steam or we become a pressure cooker of emotions and are likely to blow or explode (I really don't want to combust...I think it might be just a tad bit messy don't you?)

Don't allow Emotional Debris to collect in our minds, souls and hearts

 Sorrow, dust, depression, grief,  anger written inside the heart

Unravel the grief

 A ball of yarn like unraveling...with the ominous GRIEF words...

Realize you have been hit by an Emotional Truck. I could take 5 minutes, 5 weeks or ever 5 years to heal.
(I started balling when I read this. Not for me but because of J. He was still healing after his ex and I truly feel it took him 4 years to heal. Now he is ready. Sadly, not with me. But if I love him(and I do), I need to be happy for this gain and progress in his life and allow him the chance at happiness)

Emotional Truck running over a person

Growth requires courting the Unexpected

 "Excuse me, but I would like to court you." Person knocking on door. Door sounds say "Knock knock" The Unexpected Blob says "Come in!"

Go ahead and gamble of being our "Authentic Selves" The risk is Worth the Reward.

Gamble being Authentic

Person leaning over Craps table (I like Craps) gambling...

Live life with enthusiasm

 (I think my life image looks like a hot dog) so does that mean my enthusiasm is Ketchup??? :)

No spewing raw emotions or verbal vomiting on others (person spewing)

Negativity is contagious

 (lft) Person with mouth open-Cough cough, negativity, cough. (rt) Person running away saying "Run, flee the negativity! AUUGH!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then these sketches are random that came from conversations, etc, misc.

I told J I felt like I was waiting for the Bomb to Drop...sadly, then it did. But I am glad it did (no I am NOT crazy) because now I have all the facts.Maybe, just maybe this is the process of the step of on my to healing I needed. I still hurt even more so now that the bomb has dropped. But I can't explain it. I feel "different"

I heard this amazing song today called "Steady Your Heart" and played it over and over like 20 times I think. I cried and cried. I called my therapist.  She called me back. I was in "panic mode" I hurt and hurt. Today I thought I was having a pretty good day "despite the bomb" but then I got home and went to do my SOAR homework and someone posted this and I lost it. IT is PMDD week so I am trying to take that into account, but wow...I really need to work on this...Steadying my Heart.

this is a Rock with two persons one on each side holding up the heart. Underneath on the rock it says "The Lord is my Rock & my Salvation"

Steady My Heart

I am working on it. These little sketches sure are helping. It gets those pesky, nasty thoughts out of my head that are roaming and swimming around in there playing racquetball underwater with my thoughts. I hope you sketch or draw or doodle or find a quick release like I have.

Waiting for the Bomb to Drop...drawn ironically one day before it did.

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SOAR Week 5

Here is the lesson stuff for Week 5

My words: Don't Believe Everything You Think

Pieces from lesson

Stretch Out And Risk SOAR

Unraveling grief sketch

Realize you have been hit by an Emotional Truck

Unravel Grief

Self Talk

No More Mean Negative Self Talk

My little notes to my self

Change

Not alot to say about this week. So much has happened and people have told me so many things I kinda feel numb. I wanted to do the lesson but this one was one of those weeks I was like "Meh..."

The biggest things to me was CHANGE. I see and know and realize how very much I am changing. Frustrating though that others see the change in me but don't have faith, belief or trust that I will stay that way. In a way I at firt was upset when I read past emails and things saying that I will change in two years and will I be there same?? Will, I sure hope NOT!! I hope I will be better, stronger, different. ASking me to stay the same is lame. No thank you. You should WANT me to change. I want YOU to change. Not for me, but hey uh hi there...that is called "Growth" ya know?

Anyway, Anita says they all won't be wonderful and learning and passionate so I don't feel so bad. But I did do my homework like a good girl

Trisha Trixie Photbucket share

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Dragoness and Warrior Companion COMPLETE

Better late than never I say. Ok, I have been saying that on a  FEW too many things, but I am starting to understand why people don't like to plan or try and meet deadlines...it's stressful. But slowly I am learning and in the process getting SO much better with my art. Though J and I are not together, I can't help but recognize what an amazing and important part he played in my artistic abilities coming forth. I never wanted to draw. Pencils take so long and so many people kept telling me how bad I was at it. J encouraged me and was the ego boost I needed artistically to move forward and not be afraid to draw, sketch or create in any form or fashion.

I dedicate this Willowing Jan Dragon Challenge piece to him:

A VERY detailed dragoness

Dragoness Delilah

Warrior Companion, Favorite and Friend  of the Dragoness

Excerpt from The Book of the Dragon on Dragonesses,

Female dragons are very scare, so they are treated with special reverence. The physical development of the young female dragon is faster that that of males. It is not unusual for them to start talking before their wings have appeared. Dragonesses command great respect and reverence. Often prouder and fiercer than males, they are very protective of their privileges.By the time dragonesses are ready for their first flight, they have become beautiful adult beasts and have received intense instruction in all fields of dragon knowledge. They set out on the flights alone,but are joined by the male who wish to mate her.

Dragonesses are expert magicians and have the ability to change themselves into women of great beauty. Dragonesses have been known to enter human society without revealing their true identities and preserve their human forms for a considerable length of time.

The rarity of dragonesses is a powerful influence on social organization of the species and on the capacity of the dragon for forming emotional attachments. Dragons are sociable by nature, yet they are unsociable by nature and profoundly competitive seeing other dragons as potential rivals. This makes it impossible for them to form friendships with other dragons at times.

This is why Dragons have favorites, usually humans as companions. The Companion is a friend, someone special, close and dear to the Dragoness. the Dragonesses usually forge strong and lasting  friendships with them. 

Thus why I chose a Warrior Companion to draw with this piece.

Again, thank you to J for being my muse and healing inspire me to draw the things I love 

and love the things I draw.